Girls tell us the 19 weirdest things guys have done straight after sex

The minutes which follow the end of sex are always a bit awkward. You’ll usually lie there for a few minutes, slightly out of breath looking up at the ceiling assessing whether the sex you just had was either really good, or below average. Soon after someone will probably make small talk, pants and clothes will be put on, the spooning will commence and the lights will go out.

But this bog-standard routine isn’t part of some boys’ repertoire. Instead of going through the “I’ve just cummed in you now let’s go to bed quickly” routine, they do something odd, something so awkward that if you had known it would happen before the sex, you probably wouldn’t have agreed to shag them in the first place.

Here are some of the weirdest things guys have done straight after sex.

1. Saying “happy birthday” like the mediocre sex that just occurred was a gift

During a one night-stand, right after he finished after 50 seconds he said “Happy Birthday!!!” Emily, 22, Warwick

2. Saying “I love you” after knowing them for one day

He said “I love you” and it was the first time we slept together after two dates. Robin, 23, Cardiff

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3. Messaging their ex-girlfriend saying “I miss you” straight after finishing with you

We had make up sex after having a massive argument about his ex. 20 seconds after finishing his ex text him saying “I miss you”, and he replied “same” in front of me. Shock and horror. Megan, 21, UCL

4. Being told to compare penis size to the last guy, to keep the romantic mood going

He asked if “his” was as big as other guys’. It wasn’t. Tate, 19, Oxford

5. Demand a body wash, with bubbles

One guy had a shower after we had sex in the morning and shouted me to come to the bathroom. He was covered in bubbles saying “scrub me”. Probs served me right I used him for his car tbh. Drew, 24, Sheffield

6. Being broken up with ( :

I’d spent a weekend with my boyfriend at his uni. We had spent the whole time being completely normal and doing cute things, then on the Sunday morning after we had sex, he broke up with me literally seconds after he’d finished 🙂 Hannah, 22, Cambridge

7. Ruining the vibe via high tens, like someone had just won something

We’d just finishing having really good sex, and then he went and ruined it by going “high five!!” – he actually went for high tens, which almost made it worse. Fern, 23, Southampton

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8. Instantly going for a shower to scrub off the sex scent

Me and my boyfriend would have regular sex, but without fail every time we finished he would instantly go and have a shower. No cuddling, no messing around after – it’s no wonder he didn’t change the bed sheets too. Charlotte, 21, Cardiff

9. Being forced to tidy up the room

After we had sex he made me tidy his room because he said it was too messy to sleep in. Thanks mum. Neena, 19, Glasgow

10. Repeatedly being asked “was that okay???”, and naturally having to lie

After a joyless 30 seconds of missionary we lay there in silence for a while before asking “was that okay?” Alice, 23, Leeds

11. Asking whether any STIs might have just been transferred

This guy I had sex with asked if I was “clean” when we had finished. TOO FUCKING LATE, think of that before you put your bare dick in. Anita, 22, Sussex

12. Apologising

One guy instantly said sorry. If you thought it was good sex, you definitely don’t after they’ve apologised for it. Sophie, 20, UCL

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13. Asking if you came (aha, unlikely)

You came right? No. No I did not. Daisy, 22, Manchester

14. Finishing and then leaving to go and see their girlfriend

One guy was like “right I’m off to see my girlfriend” literally the second we stopped having sex – I didn’t even know he was seeing anyone. Alex, 21, Southampton

15. Asking for his mistake of coming on your back to remain a secret

He came all over my back and then went, “don’t tell anyone about this will you?” He had a girlfriend. Molly, 19, Brookes

16. Finding out whether you’re on contraception after coming

After coming inside me he said, “you are on contraception aren’t you?” Hunny, it’s a bit late now don’t you think? Your lil baby makers are swimming right up to my bits as we speak. Lauren, 20, Cardiff

17. Asking for a sex rating out of 10

I got asked to rate the sex out of 10. They instantly went to a score of 0. Talk about ruining the moment. Lorna, 22, UWE

18. Sacking the spooning sesh off for pre-drinks with mates next door

I had a one night stand with a mutual friend in freshers. He came really quickly, and apologised by saying “sorry, this wasn’t my finest performance”. He then got dressed and left, saying “he had things to do” (it was 2am).

Turns out he just went back to pres and I walked back into the kitchen and was greeted with a round of applause. Emily, 20, Warwick

19. Getting emotional about it being all over

My ex cried because he came too fast. Gillian, 20, Sussex

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